Wednesday, November 14, 2012

If God were a Woman !!!!!

                                        


Long time, Long time....Smiley

I wonder what day of the year am I in, or is it which day?Smiley

Kindly pardon my grammatical finesse, the matter is, I seldom understand the intricacies of English grammar, such a complicated world of contradictions it is...Smiley

So the Grammar Nazis please do not gas my words...Smiley
"Gas my words" ,now that is creepy.Smiley

Well!  I have a textured creamy creepiness side to me that rather puts you in a state, where you are constipated but are diverging legs waiting for luck to prance on you...Smiley

Diverging legs as in Sumo wrestler’s type of diverging...  (Most of them do not use the word Diverging quite often... see that is what my blog is for... a forum of unused antiquated words)Smiley

Why do I sound creepy again?  *(All the notes within the brackets are the words from my conscience, the words outside are from me, we both speak simultaneously, now you know why I do not have many humans around me)
So what am I going to write about?Smiley

If the title has deceived in giving you an inception about how spiritual or relevant, it would be...  I am sorry you have reached the wrong island...  but if you still want to be caught in here, like Tom hanks in the movie cast away...  I am sure this will be a journey where you can get your clothes dirty, grow facial hair (women have them too and this article is a bit long), eat whatever you can get your hands on, while your loved ones find better options (Just irrelevantly kidding)Smiley

Why do I presume my crassness ( I think I have it, so no offence) is going to lighten the moment..  I never know because I never learn.Smiley

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately (which is a startling revelation)
My world has many things to infer confer and decipher but I always like to speak about the useless bit...Smiley

I do have Nightmares, lot of pain in every joint of my body, many people hate me for no reason, and I am scared of the way the world is functioning, the hatred, the deception, the belligerence.

I am sucked into the family politics that I am not molded to nail.Smiley
I come across a lot of two faced people, sometimes multifaceted (Both or all their faces are unbearable to watch.. maybe I shouldn't have been this pretty..  Jeez)Smiley

My mind is juggling thoughts about Tsunamis, wars, human idiosyncrasies, health issues, dormancy, future of my beautiful baby, financial insecurities, marital life, parents’ well-being, career basking in a slumber party and the list goes on...Smiley

 I embarked on a virtual census of how many would really be interested in knowing about my issues, I just found one person in the completely wide vicious world and no surprises there, that person was nobody. The irony is I do not care much either...Smiley

My dogma in life is to endeavor, contemplate and enunciate about things that do not involve me or concern me or have anything to do with me because that is when  I get auscultated.( Now being listened to is the ineffable fantasy of every woman.  Is it not?)Smiley

I believe in God, my faith has never failed me.  However, it has put me by default ,through an enormous shredder but has given me the chivalry to gather my bits and pieces to get back in the shredder again… (a bigger one at that. ) 
Just like squeezing the toothpaste back into the tube...  I am a toothpaste squeezed and sucked, in and out of life.Smiley

it seems to me that ,someone naughty, playful and sometimes hostile is looking at us from somewhere and messing things up when we get there, just to get a kick out of our annoyance.Smiley

My endeavors in failing constantly and consistently shoved me into contemplating what might be the sex of the God I trust in...
I believe in Lord Ganesha...  (He is soo cute and cuddly)Smiley

However, I still wonder what if I am wrong.Smiley

Men and Women are completely diverse in their modus operandi.Smiley 

I Vouch for God being a Man because women on earth are beautiful, they have molds to hold on to and steeps to fall into, they are soft and creamy, seems like the design is more appealing to Men than women .  Smiley

With all the darkness buried deep down in the heart, the same is beautifully covered with molds for the men to be enchanted and fed.  Smiley
Women bear children, they go through all the pain, they are created confused, multifaceted, teary-eyed, manipulating, conniving, backbiting, backstabbers with great backs.( Watch out for the great backs)Smiley

They are subservient to men without a choice, they cannot carry a rice mootai or two gas cylinders at the same time, they cannot become a genius mathematician or a mad scientist...  Smiley
Women spend most of their life changing the way they look and live based on the perception of Men in their life.Smiley

A lot of us do not admit to this, we say we do this to feel good about ourselves, let’s get real,” Mirrors do not speak, but men do”. Smiley
I think the Supreme Being inculcated this thought in my mind too...  Can we not see this?  it is so obvious..  This is the work of a Man...  Only a Man could have done this...  How else do you think can we hate each other so much...?  A woman enters in, the men go berserk...  friendships go haywire, families become chaotic, Men kill others and themselves…  Smiley
As women, we do not intend to do any harm...  But with us, it just happens...  Men generally do not comprehend Women...  they have weird presumptions and do not listen to us (I am going to break the Television Someday)...  Smiley

So maybe God made us with his weird presumptions without consulting a woman, maybe his mother or did he have a mother..  Smiley
On the other hand, was he born out of a man?  Is that why he decided to shift the pain of giving birth to women on his father’s request...?  We do not know.  It remains a mystery...Smiley

How would our world look like if God were a Woman...?  Have we ever shuffled our brain cards about that?Smiley

If God were a woman...  None of the women on this planet would have looked beautiful, maybe there are chances that most of us would have landed up disfigured ( Why???  All men would look up to her with awe, simple isn’t it?),Smiley
Our world would have no bloodshed but everybody would hate each other.
There would be no family fights as there would be no family.

 Men would have a uterus and menstruate every week.Smiley
 All the chick flicks would get Oscars.Smiley

No national boundaries will have weapons and security forces but they will be equipped with woman ,with the biggest blabbermouth … Men’s’ ears would be automatically attached to a woman’s’ mouth when she speaks.Smiley

All the philandering men would go impotent the moment they decide to cheat on their women.Smiley

 Food and cosmetics would be cheaper.Smiley
 World will be a clean place beautifully decorated with exuberant hues.
 Life would be a less complicated as all men will understand women.
 And of course the silver lining is we would be living in a hypocritical, conniving, beautiful, aesthetic, sweet-smelling happy world with no complexities and mostly with no Natural disasters. Smiley
We women do not like darkness...  All the comets would kill themselves when they enter our atmosphere...Smiley

Do I want to live in that world...?Smiley
Naah!  I am happy with my Man...Smiley

If your question looks like this -------- “Is that all you can think of “?Smiley
I say “Yes, that is precisely what my disclaimer shrieks “ I SPEAK OF USELESS THINGS”.Smiley

A renowned comedian once said "If  God were a woman sperm would have tasted like Chocolate".Smiley
While all of us excogitate on that.. let me draw a line before this gets too long.Smiley

9 comments:

Nathan K. said...

I loved you "ramblings". And all this time I thought God was a woman. Give what you have pointed out that women need in this world, apparently God ain't a gal after all. ;-)

You write and think very well.

Preeti Venkateshan said...

Nathan,

Thank you so much for spending some time reading my ramblings. I am grateful to you and thank you once again for encouraging me :)

3Li said...

Lil looong but nicely written ... I like idea of clarifying normal confused reader using those brackets :) ... Looked like womeniya article but liked the ending :) men are good ya heheheh :)

Preeti Venkateshan said...

Well.. Murali you should understand the sarcasm there... Men are bad in a world ruled by Men and Women are bad in a world ruled by Women .. we need two sides...and thanks so much for reading my ramblings.. I am sorry if I have wasted your time :)

3Li said...

No not at all ... It was never a waste of time reading ur work :)

Divenita said...

Liked the way it started.
You have a way with humour :)
Good going.
The post was a little long i felt but then you can always chip the "...."

Preeti Venkateshan said...

Thanks so much Nivi :)

Raksha Shetty said...

he he he.... this blog post reminds me of my school days... when i had the dictionary beside me to understand half the things written... lol... *sigh!* those were the days....

beautifully written as always... some points make u think.. some words made me cringe... *ugh! she's bold to have written that... and then again i realise... this is Preethi's blog... after Salman Khan, the lady OWNS the title... EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED!!!!

Preeti Venkateshan said...

Thanks so much Raksha... if I had a body like saman I would have strripped too.. that would have made us equal:)