If God were a Woman !!!!!

                                        

Long time, Long time....

I wonder what day of the year am I in, or is it which day?

Kindly pardon my grammatical finesse, the matter is, I seldom understand the intricacies of English grammar, such a complicated world of contradictions it is...

So the Grammar Nazis please do not gas my words...

"Gas my words" ,now that is creepy.

Well!  I have a textured creamy creepiness side to me that rather puts you in a state, where you are constipated but are diverging legs waiting for luck to prance on you...

Diverging legs as in Sumo wrestler’s type of diverging...  (Most of them do not use the word Diverging quite often... see that is what my blog is for... a forum of unused antiquated words)

Why do I sound creepy again?  *(All the notes within the brackets are the words from my conscience, the words outside are from me, we both speak simultaneously, now you know why I do not have many humans around me)

So what am I going to write about?

If the title has deceived in giving you an inception about how spiritual or relevant, it would be...  I am sorry you have reached the wrong island...  but if you still want to be caught in here, like Tom hanks in the movie cast away...  I am sure this will be a journey where you can get your clothes dirty, grow facial hair (women have them too and this article is a bit long), eat whatever you can get your hands on, while your loved ones find better options (Just irrelevantly kidding)

Why do I presume my crassness ( I think I have it, so no offence) is going to lighten the moment..  I never know because I never learn.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately (which is a startling revelation)

My world has many things to infer confer and decipher but I always like to speak about the useless bit...

I do have Nightmares, lot of pain in every joint of my body, many people hate me for no reason, and I am scared of the way the world is functioning, the hatred, the deception, the belligerence.

I am sucked into the family politics that I am not molded to nail.

I come across a lot of two faced people, sometimes multifaceted (Both or all their faces are unbearable to watch.. maybe I shouldn't have been this pretty..  Jeez)

My mind is juggling thoughts about Tsunamis, wars, human idiosyncrasies, health issues, dormancy, future of my beautiful baby, financial insecurities, marital life, parents’ well-being, career basking in a slumber party and the list goes on...

 I embarked on a virtual census of how many would really be interested in knowing about my issues, I just found one person in the completely wide vicious world and no surprises there, that person was nobody. The irony is I do not care much either...

My dogma in life is to endeavor, contemplate and enunciate about things that do not involve me or concern me or have anything to do with me because that is when  I get auscultated.( Now being listened to is the ineffable fantasy of every woman.  Is it not?)

I believe in God, my faith has never failed me.  However, it has put me by default ,through an enormous shredder but has given me the chivalry to gather my bits and pieces to get back in the shredder again… (a bigger one at that. ) 
Just like squeezing the toothpaste back into the tube...  I am a toothpaste squeezed and sucked, in and out of life.

it seems to me that ,someone naughty, playful and sometimes hostile is looking at us from somewhere and messing things up when we get there, just to get a kick out of our annoyance.

My endeavors in failing constantly and consistently shoved me into contemplating what might be the sex of the God I trust in...

I believe in Lord Ganesha...  (He is soo cute and cuddly)

However, I still wonder what if I am wrong.

Men and Women are completely diverse in their modus operandi. 

I Vouch for God being a Man because women on earth are beautiful, they have molds to hold on to and steeps to fall into, they are soft and creamy, seems like the design is more appealing to Men than women .  

With all the darkness buried deep down in the heart, the same is beautifully covered with molds for the men to be enchanted and fed.  

Women bear children, they go through all the pain, they are created confused, multifaceted, teary-eyed, manipulating, conniving, backbiting, backstabbers with great backs.( Watch out for the great backs)

They are subservient to men without a choice, they cannot carry a rice mootai or two gas cylinders at the same time, they cannot become a genius mathematician or a mad scientist...  

Women spend most of their life changing the way they look and live based on the perception of Men in their life.

A lot of us do not admit to this, we say we do this to feel good about ourselves, let’s get real,” Mirrors do not speak, but men do”. 

I think the Supreme Being inculcated this thought in my mind too...  Can we not see this?  it is so obvious..  This is the work of a Man...  Only a Man could have done this...  How else do you think can we hate each other so much...?  A woman enters in, the men go berserk...  friendships go haywire, families become chaotic, Men kill others and themselves…  

As women, we do not intend to do any harm...  But with us, it just happens...  Men generally do not comprehend Women...  they have weird presumptions and do not listen to us (I am going to break the Television Someday)...  

So maybe God made us with his weird presumptions without consulting a woman, maybe his mother or did he have a mother..  

On the other hand, was he born out of a man?  Is that why he decided to shift the pain of giving birth to women on his father’s request...?  We do not know.  It remains a mystery...

How would our world look like if God were a Woman...?  Have we ever shuffled our brain cards about that?

If God were a woman...  None of the women on this planet would have looked beautiful, maybe there are chances that most of us would have landed up disfigured ( Why???  All men would look up to her with awe, simple isn’t it?),

Our world would have no bloodshed but everybody would hate each other.

There would be no family fights as there would be no family.

 Men would have a uterus and menstruate every week.

 All the chick flicks would get Oscars.

No national boundaries will have weapons and security forces but they will be equipped with woman ,with the biggest blabbermouth … Men’s’ ears would be automatically attached to a woman’s’ mouth when she speaks.

All the philandering men would go impotent the moment they decide to cheat on their women.

 Food and cosmetics would be cheaper.

 World will be a clean place beautifully decorated with exuberant hues.

 Life would be a less complicated as all men will understand women.

 And of course the silver lining is we would be living in a hypocritical, conniving, beautiful, aesthetic, sweet-smelling happy world with no complexities and mostly with no Natural disasters. 

We women do not like darkness...  All the comets would kill themselves when they enter our atmosphere...

Do I want to live in that world...?

Naah!  I am happy with my Man...

If your question looks like this -------- “Is that all you can think of “?

I say “Yes, that is precisely what my disclaimer shrieks “ I SPEAK OF USELESS THINGS”.

A renowned comedian once said "If  God were a woman sperm would have tasted like Chocolate".

While all of us excogitate on that.. let me draw a line before this gets too long.